What is happiness to you?
Happiness has a different meaning for everybody. For me, happiness is when I feel comfortable, secure, and no pressure in everything I do, say or think.
For 34 years of my life, most of the time I don't feel comfortable, secure and always under pressure. I've been told in almost everything I did and said. But I had no guts to break it down. I was so afraid to say "NO" cause I was nothing back then.
For almost time in my life, I was wearing mask, a "smile happy" mask, fooling myself and fooling people, pretending that I was happy but I wasn't. I was so good at it, smile and make people laugh, make people believe that I am happy. No one knew, I had a big big big problem inside, and it's exploding now. No one knew I kept a "volcano" in me...
What I felt was, like being alone in the crowd, I needed someone to help me get out of the crowd, but no one seemed to care.. I was trying to reach people's hand and heart but no one seemed to understand..
When finally I have guts to speak out my mind, to tell people what I think and how I feel, and being true, it ended with so many people around me got hurt..
So, what should I do now? If I continue to be true about how I feel (that I am not happy here, and I must get out), people might get hurt.. But if stay here just to keep others happy and I am fooling myself again like I was before, it means I will live my life unhappy..
I just want to be happy, feeling comfortable, secure and free for the rest of my life... Is it so hard to ask...? Do I have the right to be happy like other people?
Being happy is something you should get, but you couldn't get it alone, you need someone who can make you feel happy. And all my life, I was struggling to seek for happiness, by myself. And it was useless. There is no happiness if you're feeling alone, right?
Now I still find my happiness, but not here.. Not in the place where I live now.. I feel numb right now.. But I believe everyone has a chance to be happy, and so do I. I know I will be happy but not here. This place makes me sick.. I really need to get out..
So...what is happiness to you..?
